toccata posted a story about her neighbourhood and asked for our stories.
here is my all time favourite neighbourhood story. it even tops the time when i was a kid and our next door neighbour was having an affair with a girl young enough to be his daughter. in the family trailer. which was parked in his family driveway.
this story is way better in person, because i get to do all kinds of voices and action moves.
this happened about a year ago. it was around 10.50 pm. i was in my computer room, watching season one of 24. i was watching the last five minutes of episode 23. for those that know 24, the last five minutes are always super tense. especially when it's the second to last episode of the season. i'm on edge, all tense and then i hear ... my screen door opening. and a bang on the front door. now, i live in an area where there aren't a lot of people walking around at almost 11 pm at night. even the dogs are asleep in my hood. and my brother left for work over an hour ago. and he works five minutes away. so even if he did have to come back for something. he would have already done so.
'goober' has already rushed to the door and is barking. i get up and go to the front door. next to the door, there is one of those frosted glass windows. so you can't really see anything in great detail. i look out it anyways and what i see is this huge man outside my door. i repeat, huge man. i do my best gruff voice.. "yah?" and this guy starts asking for someone. but i can't understand him. i keep asking him to repeat it but i still can't understand. and now i'm frustrated and forget that i'm trying to be tough and just shout out 'i have no idea what you want!" huge man yells out ' just open the fucking door!' and then proceeds to start kicking my door and shaking the door handle.
all time stops. i'm like.. what do i do? oh yah, call 9-11. crap, where's the phone? meanwhile, big scary huge man is still yelling ' open the fucking door!" and kicking the door. and rattling the doorknob. i finally find the phone, call 9-11 and i swear the woman said fire or ambulance. no police option. i reply, some guy is trying to break down my door and she says, oh police. and transfers me over.
now, i'm standing behind my door because apparently this is the only place i feel safe. at the time of this incident, we had no peep hole and no yale lock. just a little ole door knob lock. the woman on the phone is asking me all kinds of questions like... could it be your brother on the other side? um, no because if my brother yelled at me to open the fucking door, he knows that i would just leave thru the back door and let him fend for himself. could it be one of his friends? i doubt it, but i suppose anything is possible. can you describe him? i say he's big, and then he yells out, yah, i'm fucking big, open the fucking door. at this point, 'goober' just lays down and does nothing. um, thanks buddy. now, the lady on the phone is questioning why my dog is not barking. i don't know. do you want to speak to him yourself? she keeps going on...are you sure you don't know him? umm, yah, pretty sure. look lady, i know you are just doing your job, but i'm freakin' out here ok? she keeps asking what's that noise? um, that's the freak at my door trying to get in!
and then i hear some other guy come to my front door and say something. big scary man says you're fuckin' kiddin' me. and then i hear both of them leave. soon afterwards, the police finally show up. i got two squad cars and four officers. one of them knocks on the door and i open it. i tell him what happened. he tells me they've walked around my entire house and the area is clear. they ask about the truck in my neighbour's driveway. is it theirs? i don't know, they just moved here.
and then a thought that had passed thru my mind earlier, finally formulates in my mind. i suppose the guy could have looking for my new neighbours. the police tell me to go back into my house for now. eventually, they come back with the huge man. the man is in his early twenties and weighs around 300 lbs. he looks like a fuckin' footballer. he says, sorry, i went to the wrong fuckin' house. the cop says, hey, you've sworn enough for the evening. he hangs his head and says, sorry, i went to the wrong house.
the cop starts to berate him. next time, know where you are going. the numbers are on this house, there are huge and you gave this girl a fright. if you were at the door when i got here, i would have cold cocked you.
big scary man hangs head lower, and keeps muttering sorry. i thank him for coming over but tell him that's all i have to say to him right now.
i go back inside and pour myself some jack daniels.
the next day, my brother installed a yale lock and a peephole.
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